Your heart is breaking. The worst has happened, your partner has left, and you’re wondering how in the hell you are going to pick up the pieces of your life. You’re exhausted from crying so much, overwhelmed by how to plan for the day, let alone anything beyond the next 24 hours, and crushed by loneliness. A million questions may be racing through your mind, “How did this happen? Is this really the end? What did I do wrong? How can I make it right?”
A breakup can feel like a wrecking ball has just swung through the foundation of your life. So what the hell do you do now? Especially around Valentine’s Day.
Fight for the love of your life-YOU. You are going to go through days that will test all of your faith, strength, and courage. You will go through valleys of utter despair and surprising peaks of exhilaration. Don’t panic as you cycle through various stages of grief, from denial, anger, acceptance, bargaining and sadness. This is a natural pattern as old as time itself. Countless folks throughout history have suffered for love and discovered a deeper capacity for healing, joy, self confidence, and personal power. Fight for the love or your life, fight for yourself, and ask yourself the following questions now:
A. Who are my friends? How can I strengthen those relationships right now? How can I ask for support suitable to each of my friend’s strengths? Remember, not every friend is going to be a “cry on my shoulder” kind of friend, but might be a friend who’s good at trying a dance class.
B. What are my interests? How can I tap back into some of the interests that reflect the deepest yearnings of my essential self?
C. How have I gotten through tough times in the past without engaging in self destructive behaviors? What beliefs, activities, acts of creativity, books, organizations, people, places have helped me see the light in dark times?
D. How can I practice kindness for myself? Yes, this is a tough one. Kindness for yourself might mean letting go of the need to try figure out the solutions to the problems in your relationship. Sometimes you need to take a mental break allowing time to evolve and work it’s healing on you.
2. Have faith. That’s right. Have faith. You are not going to have all the answers and neither will your loved one. Have faith that by nourishing yourself in this time, regardless of what your loved one chooses to do, will have long term benefits. Learning to take care of yourself with love, compassion, and integrity will not only improve your relationship should you decide to renew your partnership, the work you do will also nourish a source of love that comes from the one person who will be with you forever: you.
3. Do something crazy. Okay, before you go out and party like a rockstar, let me rephrase that. Do something that is morally responsible, ethical, noble, and legal. But fun. Dye a strand of your hair blue. Go somewhere new. Learn to dance the tango. Perform at an open mic night. Sponsor a child. Nothing is more exciting than an interesting person, so be interesting to yourself.
Finally, I want to take a moment to acknowledge that if you were in a relationship that was abusive, seek professional support to help you navigate the complexity of what you might be feeling.
If you would like more support on thriving during a breakup, separation or divorce, you can find my book “Healing Heartbreak: A Guidebook for Women” here on Amazon:
Wishing you lots of love for your precious self!